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Thursday, November 11, 2004

The Constitution of an Idiocracy

I think I've suspected it all along, but now it's clear in my mind. Everyone in my US History class, with few exceptions, are complete idiots. Now, usually I can withstand being around idiots because in most cases they've been degraded so much by slightly smarter students (namely, those who can use the bathroom without having to yell for someone to wipe them afterwards) that they keep their dimwitted comments to themselves. However, when the amount of those people reaches a certain level in relation to the "self-wipers", (I think right now it's around 8,543,678,654,234 to 1) some of the idiots begin to express their views openly.
One of these outspoken morons of which I speak is Tyler "Eats his own Stool" Olsen. The masses of idiots worship him most likely because of the his discovery of an alternative to, in their view, the much too intricate and time-consuming action of wiping. He's always just saying the dumbest things in class just to be have a different view than, say, someone who knows what they're talking about. Then he tries to prove what he says by saying something that completely opposes what he said in the first place. He's a moron, but because he has the majority of the "squishy pants" crowd on his side, he is allowed to go on ranting about crap. Here's an example of a typical day in class:

Mr. Smith: Today we're going to talk about the U.S. constitution.

Tyler: I hate the constitution!

Mr. Smith: And why is that?

Tyler: Well, uh... (pauses for several minutes)... Because I think uh... I think everyone should be equal!

several murmur in agreement

Usually at this point in class I've given up on learning anything new and proceed to mutter empty threats under my breath.
Another idiot in my class would be Taylor Austin, one of the infamous identical Austin triplets. The other two thirds of this notorious trio consist of Makelle and a cross between an ape-man and a giant squid. Taylor's comments are equally stupid to Tyler's, but the difference is that her's don't even have anything to do with anything. Can somebody please tell me what doing a sumbersault has to do with checks and balances!?!
I did say there were few exceptions to this rule that everyone in that class is an idiot. You know who you are, and I salute you as I would salute a sanitary pair of boxers run up the flagpole.


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