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Friday, November 12, 2004

The Rise and Fall of Marlsven

Is it just me, or does calculus never give an actual answer? The answer always seems to be approaching something. It's always something like x approaches zero while y approaches infinity, or like this stupidness of the problem approaches infinity while my sanity goes straight to zero and then I'm pretty sure hits the infinity mark on the urge-to-kill axis. Well here's a solution for my own calculus problem that goes out to such calculus jerks as Pascal, Leibniz, and Riemann: If I ever approach you walking down the street, my fist isn't just gonna approach your face, it's gonna go right through it! Thus creating an exact solution.

So anyway, I was using a summation (you know, the whole sigma thing) to figure out the exact value of pi the other day and verifying my results with my TI 89 Titanium. And that's when it hit me. I've become one of those people who everyone makes fun of who usually wear thick glasses and tuck their shirt into their underwear. I feel so embarrassed about what I've become. I'm so ashamed. I mean, how could I have even thought to use a summation to find pi when it could've saved countless hours of computation if I had thought to use an integral instead. I'm sure I'm gonna get a lot of guff from Winston when I tell him all about it on monday. Using a summation? What was I thinking!?

Today it was really awkward when I went to get a free soda for being on the honor roll. Last year, they had Mr. Chambers running it. He'd tell some dirty jokes to me in front of a bunch of preppy girls and I would then hide my face in shame and humiliation (Mostly just to conceal my laughter). It was awesome! But this year Chambers is gone and has been replaced by the administration. At this moment I'm in a pretty unpleasant position with two thirds of the administration (not in that way, you sickos). I would not like to elaborate on the exact circumstances on which I got into this position, (again, I understand the joke. It's not funny anymore) but just note that the last occurrence dealing with the administrators and me was that I had to write a letter of apology to the principal. As I approached the table to claim my soda, they mentioned the letter.

Administrator lady: That letter you wrote really blew him (the principal) away

My thoughts: I'll blow YOU away!

Principal: without looking up Yeah, it did.

Now, what am I supposed to do here? Do I nod approvingly? Do I stand with quiet reverence? Do I grab their entire stock of bumper stickers and frisbees? Indeed, I wish I had done the latter. What I actually did was just stand in front of them with a confused look on my face as though I had no idea what they were talking about and eventually said, "oh, thanks." I said nothing else but only pointed to the soda I wanted. What was I doing!?! I was basically thanking him for all the crap I had to go through because of him this week and moreover, this year!
I guess it looks like my reign of terror is finally coming to a halt. One thing's for sure. If I go down, I don't care if I bring shame upon my entire family and furthermore, anyone who has ever met me, I'm not going down without a fight.

1 comment:

The Stunningly Handsome Nate Perkins said...

What the hell are you talking about?