You know, ever since I started spelling my name with a six in it, I been getting a lot of guff from, well everybody. I don't see why it's such a big deal. I mean, I don't go around making fun of other people because they're different than myself. I never made fun of Danny for being so hairy, or Rob for smelling of feces, or Kamalei for his sweaty hands, or even ERP for being stupid, short, dumb, and extremely annoying. So where do people get the nerve to criticize me about my name?
I first started putting the six in my name in seventh grade. Those were rough times. The steps I took to choose the number six were as follows:
I was going to choose a rational one-digit number as to save time in writing it. Narrowing it down to 1-9
In my opinion, the numbers 5-9 are the superior numbers in the base ten configuration.
I couldn't do number 8 because nate already spelt his name n8.
I couldn't do 9 because that's as high as it goes and I didn't want to appear stuck up.
I wanted it to be only one syllable, so 7 was out.
So it came between 5 and 6. I don't really know why I chose 6 then. I think it may have been because 5 is the kind of number those jerks guess when they're guessing a number between one and ten. What, do they think that just because 5 is in the middle they'll automatically win? It's been proven time and time again that this is true.
I didn't really start getting hassled that much about the 6 until ninth grade in German class. I was already very small and weak in spirit, and in the upper body, so I was an easy target for Mr. Chambers. He would go on for several class periods at a time ranting about how I needed to run around in the shower to get wet, or how if I turned sideways I'd be invisible. Once he found out about the 6 in my name the amount of ridicule he could place on me seemed limitless. But let me tell ya, Mr. Chambers got pretty dang close to that limit. Riemann would be proud.
You see, in German, the number 6 is spelled "sechs" and pronounced "sex". All the students knew this after we played battleship in class. For some reason, the space G6 was very popular and when called out initiated much laughter that would not stop for several weeks. Anyway, I think Mr. Chambers was a little confused about the concept of a silent 6 because he then began to just refer to me as "sex". I tried explaining to him that it was the six in my name that was silent and not the rest of my name but he would just look back down and keep rearranging the assortment of coke cans and gummy bears that were resting on his stomach.
Luckily I wasn't the only one that was ridiculed in that class. Mr. Chambers did get entertainment from just about everyone else's differences. Just about every day Wells Magleby's head would be bleeding pretty badly from Mr. Chamber's smacking it every time Wells twirled his hair. Sometimes even, for some reason, Kylen would join in the smacking and hit Wells even harder than Chambers did. Of course at this time I was doubled over on the floor rolling around uncontrollably. But that might have just been because of the old sauerkraut Chambers had fed to us earlier.
So I guess I didn't have that bad of a time in Chambers' class after all. I mean, Wells got hit in the head a bunch and all Mr. Chambers did to me was sit on me. The doctors say the pancake-body reversal surgery is sure to be a success.