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Wednesday, January 19, 2005

The Teacher Who Lost Her Way

Nothing can ameliorate the ineptitude of Mrs. Mathews. Having said that, I can now relate to you the following story:

So it's just another regular day in journalism. Everyone is staying after school to work on the newspaper. Alex is typing the code to another xhtml f-disk site, Nate is sneaking naughty words into other people's articles, and Rob is chewing on the carpet. During all this, poor, innocent Mat6t is working hard to make the ridiculous deadline set for his article to be finished.
That's when it started. Mrs. Mathews called Mat6t to her desk to advise him on the corrections the editors had made on the latest draft of his article. Mat6t steadily and unclumsily walked up to her desk. This is the conversation that took place (seriously, this DID happen):

Mrs. Mathew(s): So you're sure that the word, "its" doesn't have an apostrophe when it's possessive?

Mat6t: For the last time, yes!

Mrs. Mathew(s): It still sounds weird to me.

Mat6t: Anyway, what were you saying about my article?

(I should tell you that the article was about words used too often and presented some alternatives to them with examples as how to use them properly.)

Mrs. Mathew(s): It's all terrible! You're a lousy writer! Now I'm going to write yet another note on your article threatening to kick you out of the class!

Mat6t: No, no, before that. I was asking what you had thought of my article, not your bias and stupidity from which come your unjust and indignant opinion of myself.

Mrs. Mathew(s): gesturing toward part of the article which presented the overused word, "crap." You know what I call this?

Mat6t: No, m'am.

Mrs. Mathew(s): It's B.S!!!

Mat6t: So should that be the alternative word?

Mrs. Mathew(s): Al...ter...a...tiv? Don't use your fancy words on me!

Mat6t: Look, just tell me what you want me to change in my article, and I'll change it.

Mrs. Mathew(s): smiling at imaginary friends at her cleverness Maybe you need to get one of those textbooks and reread it.

Mat6t: Oh Mrs. Mathews, you're such a ham.

Mrs. Mathew(s): smile quickly turns into angry snarl You know, I've bitched and bitched and bitched about this!

Mat6t: Well I've bastarded and bastarded and bastarded about it too. (really, I said that)

Anyway, the conversation kind of simmered down from there. This was because most of the people in the class had started laughing. Well, that, and Mrs. Mathews's "medication" had started to kick in right about then. Indeed, cocaine is a hell of a drug.
A lot of other funny stuff happened regarding to the newpaper and/or its affiliates (I.E. phony phone calls for fake advertisements, more yelling) but I'm sure those events will be documented elsewhere (Evidence Exhibit A). Thank you, and good night.


The Stunningly Handsome Nate Perkins said...

Take note of the date and time that you read this story, everyone, because someday you will know exactly when and where you were when you heard it for the first time. It is that important. I was one of the handful of lucky people who got to witness this event firsthand, and I can testify that everything Matt says here is true.

Eric Petersen said...

I don't even know the lady and she sounds stupid.

The Stunningly Handsome Nate Perkins said...

I'm sure ERP's comment was very ironic to everyone who doesn't know him.

The Amazing Spider-Fan said...

I would also like to give my testimony to the validity of this post, everything Mat6t wrote is true. I would know, I had a pretty good view of the conversation while I was chewing on the carpet.

The Amazing Spider-Fan said...

Please don’t let the sarcasm of my last comment influence your view of its sincerity. Seriously that conversation took place.

Alex Morrise said...

Matt, one of these days either her head is going to explode, or you're going to explode her head. Either way, it'll be an awesome sight to see.

The Stunningly Handsome Nate Perkins said...

I think explode is a non-transitive verb.

The Stunningly Handsome Nate Perkins said...
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Marlsven said...

You think?! I think you're gonna die!

Sam said...

I thinks you use too much da big words, old fellow.

Nice looking blog, good comments.

Alex Morrise said...

I'm sick of post deletions. I never know whether it was a joke that wasn't really funny, or whether I've been insulted.

The Amazing Spider-Fan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Eric Petersen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Alex Morrise said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Alex Morrise said...

That one WAS an insult.