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Wednesday, February 23, 2005

My room is comfortably small with rubber lining the walls

Slowly, I'm beginning to dread going to church and seminary. Don't worry, it's not like something's wrong with what I believe, it's just the small and annoying jobs I have to do. A couple months ago, Matt Stokes left for his mission, so there was the unfilled calling of Priesthood music coordinator. So, with me being the only willing and competant priest, I was called to fill his spot.
Basically I just need to find a piano player and someone to lead the music in priesthood each week, and at first it was fine and even a little fun. It was like, I had hopes to change all the problems from the past. No more just singing two verses of a hymn and quitting. No more Beatles songs for the postlude. And definitely no more musically inept deacons to lead the music.
The main thing that led me to dread doing this each week is finding a pianist every time. Apparently the bishopric thought that I played the piano well. I guess it makes sense. I mean, my mom is the stake organist, so of course I'm going to be a master of all keyboards. In all actuality, only my mom and my sister play the piano and/or organ. Everyone just assumes that our entire family is musically talented. I guess we've all played an instrument at one time in our lives. And get this: My brother Mike played the flute in high school. THE FLUTE! I guess it's kind of ironic that he is the only child in our family to be married.
Anyway, I can't play hymns very well, so I have to get someone (has to be a male) from the ward to play each week. The thing is that I only know of two men who play the piano that I am willing to talk to. Bro. Dennis and Bro. Dalebout. But now that I've asked them so many times, they're starting to resent my calling almost as much as I do. I mean, Bro. Dennis is trying to make me practice and learn a hymn to play each week, and Bro. Dalebout just avoids me altogether. I guess Bro. Dalebout avoiding me isn't to bad. I mean, that just means that I don't have to return his cornet any time soon. But each week on Sunday I just get this terrible feeling that I'm going to have to go around looking for a pianist and then have to annoyingly ask them what hymn they're going to play, and then go tell the bishop, and then tell whomever the bishop says is conducting, and the I have to find a conductor. A CONDUCTOR! How I hate finding a conductor! I try to choose a deacon every time to conduct, but they're always stupid about it. Like they either ignore me, or say something not clever or even coherent, or they start crying. Seriously, one time a kid started crying when I asked him to conduct. I was just standing there while he was sobbing until I finally said, "Look, are you gonna conduct or what?"
If none of the deacons can do it, I look to the teachers but to no avail. My choices are basically between andrew martin, christopher sorenson, or Kison Koop. I may sound shallow, but I don't want to pick andrew because, well, to say it bluntly, he has a big toe for a thumb. And the other two think they can be so clever about saying something stupid to my pleas and then walk away just because they happen to be the same height as me and yet 2 years younger. I then have to call on a nice person that will willingly do it. I hate that. I mean, I don't want to turn nice people bitter just because they're the only ones who will conduct.
So I finally get all the music in order and sit down and relax and we sing the hymn. Then there is about 15 seconds of freedom and peace of mind, and then I realise that these same events are going to happen again next week, and the next, and the next, and I just about go insane. But it's alright.

Now, about seminary. It's not as troubling as the music organizing for church, but it's getting there. Every day, we do a little spotlight thingie for a person in the class. And, lucky me, I was called to be the one who does all that and is supposed to increase morale and unity in our class. The problem is, I don't know anyone's name in our entire class, and that's all I have to go by when I do the spotlight. So I go and get the spotlight papers and select one at random. I have no idea who it is, and my only hope is that the class will guess who it is and that that person will stand up. However, this never happens. So I read everything about the person and no one guesses it. I then try to read the illegible handwritten name at the top of the page, but still, no one admits that it is them. It always turns out that the person wasn't even there and I have to read another one and go through it all again, or it is the shy Japanese kid sitting in the back who tells you to just read the paper when I can't even understand what the crap he's saying and I don't even know his name and everyone is staring at me and the kid with the stutter starts breathing loudly and pushing on my desk with his knees with me sitting in it and demanding some imaginary dollar that I somehow "owe" him and Mr. Davis goes to shake my hand and his half of a pinky finger feels weird and, and, and, AHHHHHHH!!!! So, yeah, seminary's alright.

10 comments:

The Amazing Spider-Fan said...

I had Brother Davis with your sister, Sister Karlsven. And you stay away from the pinky bit, That's my bit!

The Stunningly Handsome Nate Perkins said...

What if a Martin finds your blog? You're super-screwed. Get this: meetings every 2nd and 3rd sunday at 11. Meetings every 4th sunday at 10. Conducting mutual, which means finding a pianist, music conductor, someone to give the talk, someone to read a scripture and someone to kill me afterwards. I have to give a talk on Sunday. I also have to go to a meeting about that at 11:40. The bishop was talking about having a prayer meeting FOR MUTUAL OPENING EXERCISES!!! Argh. I've got meetings up the wazoo. They're at 1:30. Plus, no one plays the piano in my seminary class, so I have to do it. I only know 2 hymns and I just learned the second one yesterday. I've played "Sweet hour o' prayer" about 6 times and this morning I performed a painful rendition of "Choose the right." More like Choose the puke. Blarg. BLARGH!!!

Eric Petersen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Eric Petersen said...

Meetings are what the LDS Church is all about.

The Stunningly Handsome Nate Perkins said...

Meeting are what YOUR FACE is all about.

Eric Petersen said...

And the process begins:
Mat6t: ooooooooooooooooo!
Nate high fives somebody.

The Stunningly Handsome Nate Perkins said...

High fives are what YOUR FACE is all about!

Alex Morrise said...

I've never seen anyone high five with their face, but if anyone's going to do it, it'll be Eric.

Eric Petersen said...

Nah, lets leave that one to Nate. After all, he is the one who suggested it.

The Amazing Spider-Fan said...

Wouldn’t it be a high “one"?