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Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Mein Poodle Hat ist weg, Wiebke! Part 2

So I went to fantastic sams to get a haircut today. There was about a 20 minute wait so I sat down and tried to resist the urge to pick up one of their magazines. After about 5 minutes this really tall gangly guy came in. I couldn't see his face but when he told the lady his name I knew who it was.

"Hey Patrick." I said very relaxed like. Just in case it wasn't who I thought it was, he would think I was talking to the Guns and Ammo magazine I was holding.

But it was Patrick. So that was cool. He graduated 2 years ago so I don't see him very often. He sat next to me so we could talk and catch up on things.

"So, how's your sister doing?" he said.

"She's still in Idaho."

"Oh."

Then he walked off.

But the real point of this blog is to tell of how I totally tricked the haircut lady into thinking I was grown up. It was awesome. She had a bad habit of asking me questions and then not giving me time to answer them. She asked what I was doing for July 4th and I started to say how I was going to watch fireworks with my family. She assumed I was just visiting my family for it. She asked if I had a job. I said no, but that I needed one to save up for my mission. She assumed I had already graduated from high school. Then she asked if it was very hard to travel and visit my family. I said it wasn't too bad because I live pretty close.

All was going well. She completely thought I was a lot older than I am. But then she said that the other, more attractive and less ugly haircut-lady person was interested in me when I walked in. I wasn't ready for this. I mean, I'm just a kid. I'm not ready for a relationship based on a lie! So, in order to avoid any conflict that could ensue, I immediately turned red after her comment and laughed uncomfortably. Then, of course, I began to drool a lot and at the end of the haircut, I asked for a "wauwy pop."

I've learned a valuable lesson today. Never pretend to be someone you aren't, because those poor hair salon people just don't know any better. And above all, avoid getting the ugly hairdresser that sings along to country on the radio while she cuts your hair. ugh.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Wrestle Mania!

One of the greatest, nay, THE greatest youth conference ever was just experienced by a small group of youth and adults this week. It was not expected to be this way, which is how most great things come to pass. Testimonies were born, service was given, and Rowleys were bodyslammed.

On the first day, we seemed so pathetic. Nate and I, I mean. We were frantically trying to find the few things dealing with youth conference that would be bearable. And we didn't find very many. I admit that the barbeque at the beginning was a good idea and was delicious, but the next planned event really killed our enthusiasm. And yes, I'm pretty sure you can kill something that doesn't exist. The event was the Manti pageant. Well, not so much the pageant as the 4-5 hours we spent sitting on a tarp for the pageant to start. I guess this was such a popular event that we needed to get there early for "good seats." Good seats!? We were sitting on a tarp for crying out loud! And not even a good tarp. It had a huge rip in the middle of it and got a bunch of little blue pieces all over me. Of course, some protestors were there. I love those guys. I tried to get a no parking sign and go march around with them, but to no avail.

The pageant finally came and it was okay I guess. I didn't see a lot of it because I was more concentrated on trying to get the feeling back in the outer layer of my body. I found curling up in a ball and shivering violently on the ground to be the best method. It was cold.

But AFTER all that, after breakfast the next day, after the service we did, came the greatest activity in youth conference history. WRESTLE MANIA!!! It all started out with a few soiled mattresses and a few soiled pants worn by a few fine young men. We layed them out outside and got ready for the carnage to begin. After much debate, we decided to call the area where the wrestling would take place The Chamber of Secrets. A great name indeed. The adrenaline was rushing in all of us as we prepared.

Me: The first rule about wrestle mania is that you don't talk about wrestle mania.

Me: The second rule about wrestle mania is that you don't talk...

Zack: I'm stupid! (I'm not sure this is exactly what he said, but the meaning I got from it is the same)

Angry that he had interrupted me, I quickly challenged him to three rounds in the chamber. He didn't last two. Poor Zack. It turns out that only one of the mattresses was good for bodyslamming people onto. I wasn't even close.

This match actually happened after we had had wrestle mania for a while. There were several very significant matchups that happened before this. Two small children managed to throw nate out of the ring. Guy and Brother Hodges duked it out for the heavyweight division. And several sibling rivalries were settled. Me and nate tried to take on Todd and Daniel, the new kid in the ward, in a tag team match. However, Daniel neglected to tell anyone that he was almost the state champion of wrestling last year. Nate went in first against daniel. Nate couldn't move his neck for several hours after the match, and it's probably still sore. Poor nate. He'll probably adjust well though. I mean, he barely even used his legs before, so no big deal.

As the boys slowly lost momentum, the girls started to seem a little more...enthusiastic about equal rights. I think it started when Todd grabbed Caitlyn and bodyslammed her. I guess the girls just thought, "That could be me!" Many girl-on-girl matches ensued. We all watched in horror and curiosity as the girls viciously tried to pin one another. As one girl was helplessly held down, a person crying out, "Gouge her eyes out!" could be heard. The pinned girl was very offended by that remark. Not so much because of its blutness and violent suggestion, but mostly because it was delivered by her own mother. I don't blame her mother though. I mean, she had 20 bucks in against her daughter. Teenage girls can be so unreasonable sometimes.

No one planned wrestle mania, and it will probably never happen again, but I'm pretty sure that the unanimous opinion is that it was an integral part that made this youth conference the best one ever.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Wheat bread!? You're only adding to the ducks' strength!

It has recently come to my attention that several people are starting to read this blog without my knowledge. And when I say several, I mean those who don't have blogs of their own that I read, or that just read and don't comment in any way. To those who do this, you sicken me. Of course, not as much as those who DO blog, but still. I only say this because it was kinda weird the other day when my mom said she was tipped off about my blog by an anonymous source and that she wanted to start reading them. Of course I refused, and promptly stormed out of the room only after helping to complete the crossword puzzle we were working on. Yes, that's right, we do crossword puzzles together. Actually, what really goes on is that while she's not looking, I fill in the blanks with funny words like poop, etc. But scratch the et cetera.

But now that it is likely that "respectable" people are reading this, I'm commiting to only write what I feel is especially important and relevant for the bettering of mankind. (insert poop joke here)

Does anyone really know what smelling is? Really, I don't think anyone in the world really understands it. I mean, I think we've pretty much mastered the hearing and vision thing. And everyone touches stuff all the time, so we are pretty learned in that. And then there's taste. Who cares about taste anyway? But smell, it's totally ludicrous. You can't fathom it. You could be sitting in a car minding your own business, and then BAM! You're breathing air that has formerly been in Zoram's butt. And you're aware of it too. That's what's so perplexing. I mean, what's the point of a sense that can only alert you to stinks that don't really hurt you and you wouldn't even be aware of if it weren't for that sense?

Smells usually grow less pungent over time, but they never really leave completely. So really, with every breath you take in, their are millions of stinks that you could be sensing, but luckily our sense of smell isn't powerful enough to sense them all. It would be very confusing to us if it was. They say dogs have about a 1000 times more powerful sense of smell than humans. They have to deal with smelling all those stinks, which can be very overwhelming and distracting. People always wonder why they spend so much time smelling other dogs' butts. They're just trying to focus.

They say that the nose is the most imperative and noticeable part of the face. If you really look at it, the nose itself is very peculiar. It has two holes toward the bottom. No one knows where they go, and it is forbidden to venture in there to find out. Basically everything else on the face you can move around and show expression with naturally and with relative ease. All you can really do with the nose is flare your nostrils. I guess you can also stick your nose up at somebody. The reason this can be so offensive is that it takes a lot of effort to do. It's not just some subtle facial muscle movement. You gotta have your neck and back muscles prepped and commited to the movement. And don't get me started on how it affects your balance. If one tries sticking their nose up at someone without the proper preparation and training, permanent damage can be imminent. Isn't it easier to avoid all this trouble and be nice to people and make fun of them behind their back like regular people?

Smell. What a crappy sense. Why couldn't we have gotten a third ear or something instead?

Monday, June 06, 2005

My room looks upside down from where she is.

One thing that can annoy me is people who talk too much. Well, not so much that they talk too much, just when they continuously keep talking and not really saying anything new or anything that I would consider important. Most of the time when someone starts going like this, I just zone out and say "yeah" or "really?" when I can tell that the pitch of their voice has hit a peak or any point of inflection.

One example of this that I have seen is in my dad. Like when he tells me something I need to do, he says it really about 6 or 7 times over and over. I think it's because he thinks I don't really ever listen. But the thing is that I always listen, but I just don't do the things he asks. And now that he's started repeating himself so much, I've started to not even listen. So then he repeats it even more, and I don't listen even more. Yeah, it's a cycle of madness. But no one has conquered the paradox of the chicken and the egg, so who am I to try to crack this one? (Lame pun intended)

It's always awkward when you want to tell your friends to shut up when you're at their house. I mean, you can do it anywhere else with a feeling of impunity but there's something about being at their house that changes everything. They have the home court advantage. Like, if they wanted to, they could kick you out or even hold you hostage. They hold all the cards, and you're just a misplaced pawn in their twisted game of backgammon. I only say this because today I sat-in during trevor's family home evening. Orrin came in the front door about 20 minutes into it and loudly went into the next room. While Bro. Richardson was desperately trying to teach a lesson about kindness, Orrin kept disagreeing with him and yelling "Poop!" alot. At this point, my teeth were pretty well acquainted with my lower lip and there still wasn't any sign of it ending. About 5 minutes after the closing prayer, trevor and daylen started their senseless arguing that we have all come to know and love. They started yelling at each other that the other one needed to be kinder to them. I felt my eyes glaze just a little more while I uttered my fourth "yeah" following my second "really?" of the argument. I felt like a detached and underpaid referee at a boxing match.

Whenever things like this happen, I think of the song Lazyhead and Sleepybones by, of course, They Might Be Giants. It's about two people named Lazyhead and Sleepybones who are basically the same and should be friends, but always disagree. Like, when Lazyhead says someone's skinny, Sleepybones says thin. And when Lazyhead says identical, Sleepybones says twin. etc. They might as well have named it Lazydaylen and Sleepytrevor. (lame rob joke unintended)

Well, Lazymat6t is feeling tired, but Sleepymat6t wants to rest. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'd better sleep on it.