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Saturday, June 25, 2005

Wrestle Mania!

One of the greatest, nay, THE greatest youth conference ever was just experienced by a small group of youth and adults this week. It was not expected to be this way, which is how most great things come to pass. Testimonies were born, service was given, and Rowleys were bodyslammed.

On the first day, we seemed so pathetic. Nate and I, I mean. We were frantically trying to find the few things dealing with youth conference that would be bearable. And we didn't find very many. I admit that the barbeque at the beginning was a good idea and was delicious, but the next planned event really killed our enthusiasm. And yes, I'm pretty sure you can kill something that doesn't exist. The event was the Manti pageant. Well, not so much the pageant as the 4-5 hours we spent sitting on a tarp for the pageant to start. I guess this was such a popular event that we needed to get there early for "good seats." Good seats!? We were sitting on a tarp for crying out loud! And not even a good tarp. It had a huge rip in the middle of it and got a bunch of little blue pieces all over me. Of course, some protestors were there. I love those guys. I tried to get a no parking sign and go march around with them, but to no avail.

The pageant finally came and it was okay I guess. I didn't see a lot of it because I was more concentrated on trying to get the feeling back in the outer layer of my body. I found curling up in a ball and shivering violently on the ground to be the best method. It was cold.

But AFTER all that, after breakfast the next day, after the service we did, came the greatest activity in youth conference history. WRESTLE MANIA!!! It all started out with a few soiled mattresses and a few soiled pants worn by a few fine young men. We layed them out outside and got ready for the carnage to begin. After much debate, we decided to call the area where the wrestling would take place The Chamber of Secrets. A great name indeed. The adrenaline was rushing in all of us as we prepared.

Me: The first rule about wrestle mania is that you don't talk about wrestle mania.

Me: The second rule about wrestle mania is that you don't talk...

Zack: I'm stupid! (I'm not sure this is exactly what he said, but the meaning I got from it is the same)

Angry that he had interrupted me, I quickly challenged him to three rounds in the chamber. He didn't last two. Poor Zack. It turns out that only one of the mattresses was good for bodyslamming people onto. I wasn't even close.

This match actually happened after we had had wrestle mania for a while. There were several very significant matchups that happened before this. Two small children managed to throw nate out of the ring. Guy and Brother Hodges duked it out for the heavyweight division. And several sibling rivalries were settled. Me and nate tried to take on Todd and Daniel, the new kid in the ward, in a tag team match. However, Daniel neglected to tell anyone that he was almost the state champion of wrestling last year. Nate went in first against daniel. Nate couldn't move his neck for several hours after the match, and it's probably still sore. Poor nate. He'll probably adjust well though. I mean, he barely even used his legs before, so no big deal.

As the boys slowly lost momentum, the girls started to seem a little more...enthusiastic about equal rights. I think it started when Todd grabbed Caitlyn and bodyslammed her. I guess the girls just thought, "That could be me!" Many girl-on-girl matches ensued. We all watched in horror and curiosity as the girls viciously tried to pin one another. As one girl was helplessly held down, a person crying out, "Gouge her eyes out!" could be heard. The pinned girl was very offended by that remark. Not so much because of its blutness and violent suggestion, but mostly because it was delivered by her own mother. I don't blame her mother though. I mean, she had 20 bucks in against her daughter. Teenage girls can be so unreasonable sometimes.

No one planned wrestle mania, and it will probably never happen again, but I'm pretty sure that the unanimous opinion is that it was an integral part that made this youth conference the best one ever.


Rivers is my hero said...

I'm ashamed of you quoting Fight Club, but I approve of the wrestling. I wonder how you would have done against me. Remember Rob's trampoline, Mat6t?

Kactiguy said...

FRIDAY AFTER THE SERVICE PROJECT!!!! FRIDAY AFTER THE SERVICE PROJECT!!!! FRIDAY AFTER THE SERVICE PROJECT!!!! Okay, so it is hard to type in that cool, echo-ie, wrestling announcer voice, but what Mat6t says about Westle Mania in the Chamber is all true. I have the bruises to prove it. I wish I had a mask and a cool nickname to go with them. I saw the actual Rowley body-slam and the ensueing triumphant victory man-dance that followed. Mat6t was in true form. I also saw my wife take to the mat and attack poor young women. It is a violent gender. It was all fun and a great youth conference but Mat6t was chicken to face me. The challenge stands.

Can't we all be like Mat6t?

Eric Petersen said...

This reminds me of yesturday on at the campus of William and Mary University. A powdered whig ultra smart college student duked it out with the biggest red neck I've ever seen in the middle of the Sunken Garden. Fun was had by all, mainly the many drunk summer semester students who decideing going to a Southern ivy league school was the worst decision they've ever made.

Lorien said...

What happens in Ephraim stays in Ephraim.

J Rock! said...

waaaaay cooler than any of the youth conferences i went to. mine were all full of blisters. and bishop bingham never went for the lake powell idea, even though i lobbied for it all four years. bah.

b. robertson said...

Mostly I liked that you got "good seats" on a torn tarp in the cold. My family used to do that as a kid, and I really didn't know what all the hipe was about. Oh, and The Chamber of Secrets was an excellent idea. Nice work there, Mat6t.

So what do you get out of what I say? I mean, "I'm stupid." is all you got out of the one kid... You know what? Don't answer that. I'm not sure I want to know.

Marlsven said...

c'mon becca, you know I think the world of you. But if you're still not satisfied, I think the only thing we can do is settle this in the chamber of secrets. Bring it on!

b. robertson said...

HA! Mat6t, I would totally waste you. Ask Rob. Unless we are sprinting, then I will lose, but when it comes to arm strength -- Now that is another story!

I'm sure you think the world of me. That is why you got me a TMBG ticket and are going to take me. You are so sweet, thanks.

The Stunningly Handsome Nate Perkins said...

Mat6t, you know I totally wasted those two little kids. Write about our biking adventures.

Alex Morrise said...

What the heck, Matt. How did this many people find your blog?

wendysue said...

"It all started out with a few soiled mattresses and a few soiled pants worn by a few fine young men"

Sounds like a tagline to a new movie! WRESTLE MORMON MANIA!! Coming soon to a cultural hall near you.

compulsive writer said...

Mat6t, thanks for coming clean about body slamming my son. I was wondering why his neck was crooked when he came home from youth conference. (As for the girls, have you ever witnessed a BYU women's intramural football game? They put the tackle right back into "touch" football.)
Thanks for not breaking my kid's neck.

Zack's Mom

Luke said...

I was there on that day and I did get into the Chamber of Secrets with my brother twice. He beat me in our first match but in our second one I got smart and beat him. I just think that we are lucky that none of the young men went in with kactiguy. We did hear how much he wanted to beat the /%#* out of us that night when he couldn't sleep because we were being too loud.