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Sunday, July 17, 2005

Finish your fish heads, then we'll talk.

How do mosquitos always sneak up on you? It doesn't make sense. What do they have that makes them so much more stealthy than other bugs? It's like they just hover around, land wherever they want, and then stab their needle into any part of the body they want. All of this is done undetected. In fact, most people don't know about it until they notice all the scratching. I guess mosquitos are a lot more like drug-addicts than any of us suspected.

I'm just really cheesed about this because somehow yesterday, a mosquito managed to bite me right between my eyes. How could that happen? The only way I could see that happening is if the mosquito somehow landed below my chin out of my sight, then proceeded to crawl up my chin the my mouth. Then it would have had to wait until I said a word with a "p" or "b" sound in it to jump over my mouth when the chasm is at its smallest. After having done this, it must've climbed up one of my nostrils while dodging the countless perilous nose hairs. Then, finally, it must've bitten right between my eyes from the inside of my face. Having accomplished its goal, it then found a nice soft place in my brain and died there.

The bite actually fits in pretty well with my progressively more omelet-like complexion. What a considerate mosquito to choose someone with already declining physical features instead of someone with moderate to fair complexion with an equally strong self-esteem. Actually my own self-esteem probably fits somewhere between moderate and fair. However, my mosquito-esteem is definitely somewhere around poor to needs improvement.

I wasn't always so hostile toward mosquitos and animal life in general. In fact, one of my favorite pastimes was to sit scratching for hours and eventually scratch myself to sleep. It was so simple then. But then I found out that scratching leads to bleeding, and scabs, and scars, and finally death. Well, probably not that last one, but society has been coming up with all sorts of crazy causes for death. What's another unresearched, unproven medical FACT?

I know it's kind of a round about way of saying it, but what I'm really trying to tell you is that I hate the letters "p" and "b." Oddly enough, I adore the letter "j" despite its common association with them.

11 comments:

The Amazing Spider-Fan said...

And what’s up with mosquito repellent?! First they make us dependant on it, then they come out and say that it doesn’t work without deet, a magical ingredient that they somehow forgot to put in for years, and now, apparently is the key ingredient. I know it’s a round about way of saying it but, Justin Hansen always wastes my repellent by lighting his arm of fire with it, and he gets the chicks by doing so!

Kactiguy said...

I agree that they are sneaky little suckers but, I would think a mosquito would use a upper assualt to attack the between the eyes zone. I'm speaking for myself. No mosquito could pass through one of my nose hairs without me knowing.

I like the letter "L".

I don't like bug spray. It makes my whole family smell like pine trees.

The Stunningly Handsome Nate Perkins said...

What's funny is that the ad on the bottom of your comments page is for a mosquito magnet sale.

Eric Petersen said...

Doesn't stuff in insect repellent give you cancer? I guess you have to choose between dying from a diesease the insect gives you or skin cancer. The decision, is yours.

b. robertson said...

Justin Hansen? If you are jealous of the girls he's getting, well, then I have lost all respect for you.

b. robertson said...

I jsut decided that was a pretty low comment. I apologize. I will reconsider the amount of respect I may or mat not have...

J Rock! said...

i once got seventeen mosquito bites on my butt, all within the size of my hand. that was hellish, let me tell you. (and before you ask, they bit me through my pants.)

and isn't deet horribly bad for the environment? it gets in the food chain and then makes birds' eggshells too thin for the birds to live, or something like that.

The Stunningly Handsome Nate Perkins said...

I don't know about cancer, but I've heard that thing about deet being bad for the environment. Our hooded orioles are in bad shape as it is.

Rivers is my hero said...

Let's agree then that mosquito repellent is, at best, a mixed blessing. Ha ha!

Manders said...

Hey, at least they don't have any strange mosquito diseases here. When I was in Singapore Dengue fever was going around... A severe case can cause all of your insides collapse.

Lorien said...

Alright. The biology teacher can't resist commenting here. DDT (not deet) is the thing that gave the birds problems with their egg shells. It was an insecticide (not a repellant for skin) and got in the water, then fish, then finally concentrating at the top of the food chain in raptor birds like peregrine falcons, etc. But I am glad to hear you concerned with about what you may be doing to the environment.

There. I'm done with my teaching moment. I'll stop. ugh.

Nate, the mosquito magnet is ME. That's why Matt only got one bite...the rest of the mosquitos in the neighborhood hang out at my house.