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Sunday, August 21, 2005

Lousy [Lending] Literati

I feel like a person who just lost in the game. Like, instead of another player bankrupting them, they land on Luxury Tax they can't pay or get a card with a bill they can't afford and are bankrupted by it. Who'd they lose to? No one. No one had to do anything. The person just couldn't take care of themselves and became another victim to the Parker Brothers. I've never seen it happen myself, but I think that if this happens to someone, the game sucks them into itself and they are turned into a cute little metal hat, horseshoe, car, etc. It's the dumbest and most humiliating way to lose. Yeah, I feel like that.

A while ago I was raving to everyone about how great the library was. This was because I had discovered the cd and dvd sections in the library. There is actually some good stuff there, if you look for it. And for no cost, you can have them for two weeks. I thought that I had gotten the 5 books, 3 cds, and 2 dvds from the library with impunity and I was rubbing it in everyone's face. The world was my burrito.

But then this morning, I went on the internet to see how much time I had left to have all these items. Crap! They were all due yesterday! My mind raced as I thought of the enormous fines and bounty hunters that would undoubtedly enter my life. Wait, I can renew them. I thought and relaxed a bit. I tried to renew them on the Provo City Library website, but all I got were bright red letters by each title saying that I couldn't renew them because they were already overdue. Sure, kick a guy while he's down.

I looked down the list of items I had borrowed and saw something peculiar.

Twilight in the desert: the coming Saudi oil shock and the world economy

I had definitely not borrowed that book. The only explanation was that someone had stolen my library card and borrowed the book, then carefully placed it back in my wallet. But who could've done that? It had to be someone near me who was interested in world events, well-versed in financial matters, and probably rides a recumbent bicycle most-likely in questionable attire. This question plagued me all day and the more I thought about it, the more enraged I became. Why would someone do such a thing!? And more importantly, what kind of sick person would be interested in reading this book?

I was in the kitchen tonight, and I looked and saw one of my dad's boring books about blah blah blah or whatever on the table. I looked closer and saw the title.

Twilight in the desert: the coming Saudi oil shock and the world economy

"DAD!!!" I yelled as I quickly grabbed the book and ran downstairs where my dad was.

"Yes, Matthew?" he responded.

I seethed with anger. I could only make quick sharp grunts while I stood there with fists clenched and face reddened for several moments.

Finally I got the words out.

"This book is overdue a day. I thought I'd just tell you that"


I know I went a little overboard, but I didn't want him to go through the same thing I was. It can be very confusing, you know.

If anyone has any information about the person who borrowed a book with my library card, please contact me at once. Oh, and don't worry about my dad's overdue book. He says that it's not really his problem anyway so he's not going to worry about it. That's what I love about my dad. He never burdens me with his problems.


Kactiguy said...

If you ask me, I think it has something to do with fake IDs. We have talked about this. Someone is going around impersonating you. I would be suspicious. Look over your shoulder more often.

compulsive writer said...

All I know is I have it on good authority the perp looks great in Lycra shorts...

The Stunningly Handsome Nate Perkins said...

"The world was my burrito." I like that.

Marcy Dibbleblotts said...

I know we don't know each other, but I felt I needed to share with you the fact that on my blogpatrol stats, the top keyword searches that lead to my blog are "Mat6t" and "blogger Mat6t."

A Big Fan

Rivers is my hero said...


Kactiguy said...

I spent a major portion of my life in fear of the Library Mafia. When I was quite young I made the mistake of letting a book go overdue. I know it was stupid. What was I thinking? I went into hiding. I didn't even want to be seen with a book for fear of the growing fines. I went back to the library after at least 20 years. I was scared. I had a cover story. I was prepared to bolt. But nothing happened. They even gave me a new card. What gives? Now I don't go to the library because I think they are scheming something. Jerks. Maybe your dad is a library spy.