Let me just start out by saying that I HATE MYSPACE. Not my particular space, but just the whole myspace idea. Where did it come from? Really, one day it wasn't there, and then everyone, EVERYONE had it. Hmmm, I just realized that I also hate having to write things in all caps because I can't portray the right tone, but I digress.
About myspace: It's a two-bit (figuratively AND literally. Well, figuratively at least) blog/friend-making system. It was recently established by a guy named Tom, a male, 29 years old, who lives in Santa Monica, California, United States. See, don't you want to be his friend already? That's how they suck you in. With these curiousity-inducing profiles.
That's how I got sucked in, at least. Or just partly sucked in. That's what I tell everyone. That I'm not really part of it, I just have one. But really, there is no middle ground. If you're in, your trapped for life. And if you're out, you miss everyone's thoughtful comments and bulletins. And when I say "thoughtful," I mean "deplorable." Well, not really. I just mean "stupid."
And that's another thing. Bulletins. That's how everyone communicates now. What happened to the classic telephone call, or the old reliable fax? No, now everyone does it all with bulletins on myspace. Heaven forbid that you don't check your myspace every ten minutes. Because if you don't, you might end up half way to a party with a white elephant gift, but then you just found out from your myspace friend on the phone that it's not a white elephant party, but that you're supposed to bring a gift anyway and they won't tell you why except that it was all clearly explained in the myspace bulletin they had posted an hour ago. Then you get to the party and everyone knows exactly whats going on except you and you're standing next to someone who apparently brought an expensive sort of wine for a gift and you find it very difficult to hide your crappy, chewed up, ages 3 to 5, Ants in the Pants game under your sweater. And your whole night is ruined, not to mention your new sweater being all stretched out.
Another thing about myspace is how you can make "friends." When you find someone's myspace, you can ask to be their friend and then you can view all the nooks and crannies of eachother's myspaces. First of all, I would never suggest anyone exploring the crannies, or even thinking about the nooks of anything belonging to someone you've met, especially on myspace. It's sick. And now it seems that the exchanging of viruses has increased dramatically since the foundation of myspace.
Through several scientific studies, I've concluded that for every myspace friend you gain, you lose 5 real friends. Perpendicularly, for every myspace friend you delete, you lose 5 more real friends. This is because in order to do this, you must've signed into myspace therefore lowering your non-virtual social status that much more. Plus, you probably made several more myspace friends during that time.
Another thing that I dislike about myspace is how poorly most of them are laid out. Especially in writing. As if their terrible spelling isn't enough (knock on wood), myspacers feel that they must challenge the reader's sanity further by writing with a text color that's practically impossible to discern from the background color. People, for the last time, a pale purple text does not stand out from a lavender background. I suppose their choice of colors is not all bad. At least it prevents you from actually reading the mindless drivel they feel they must publish for the world. By the way, did you know that it's more likely to be abducted by aliens than to be abducted by those same aliens and that they enjoy looking at your myspace. It's true. I found out about it here.
I'm not trying to degrade current myspacers, but just warn those who have not yet discovered it. It has ruined my life, and millions of others'. There isn't hope for us, but there is for you, the technologically-impaired class. Whatever you do, just say no to myspace.