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Friday, September 05, 2008

Paris Hilton Pregnant!?!

That title should bring in at least 10,000 hits. Anyway...

Do you remember Rodney Dangerfield? More importantly, do you remember Rodney Dangerfield's eyes? The way they were bugged out all the time? Was he doing that on purpose? Could he retract them if he wanted to? Or was he just one of the unlucky ones with eyes permanently fixed in a position not popped out enough to be a world record, and yet still prevents him from leading a normal non-hilarious life?

I only bring up the subject because I was helped the other day by a kindly, knowledgeable shoe salesman with a similar look. Very intense, and it would seem very useful in the field of salesmanship; I bought 7 pairs of Dr. Martins without breaking eye contact.

What would it be like for two people with this same phenotypical trait to touch the other's eyes with their own eyes? I'm sure it's happened. And I'm told it is one of the most beautiful things man can witness in this life. Unfortunately, due to the many overly sensitive censors of modern society who see eye-touching (also known as an eye-jelly swap) as "profoundly indecent," photographs or video or even any documentation of such rare occurrences are very hard to come by.

Due to the risks of eye-strain, undesired inter-eye adhesion, temporary blindness, and erectile dysfunction, I cannot condone or support anyone attempting an eye-touch. However, if you feel you are ready, please take the consideration of video taping the phenomenon and putting it on YouTube, just so I know it is really possible and as wonderful as the stories say.

Also, be sure to wear the right protection. Contacts are good, an eye-mask is better. Remember, you are not only swapping eye-jelly with your present partner, but with all the eyes their eyes have touched as well. And I'm sure Rodney Dangerfield and the old shoe salesman have gotten around with the peepers they had. Think about that!

1 comment:

Lois said...

Eyes grim me out.