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Thursday, April 01, 2010

Advice From Stephen Colbert 01/18/2010

Dear Family,

Sister Hunter, the wife of the Oakland Temple President, spoke in our stake conference yesterday. One thing she said that stuck was "there are no coincidences in the temple." On Saturday Elder Valencia and I got permission to drive up to the temple to see a man that he taught get his endowment. While in the temple, I saw about a dozen people from different wards that I've served in.

It often takes a second for them to realize who you are when you are dressed in white and not wearing a missionary nametag. I saw the Salinas 1st ward bishop and the Los Altos bishop along with several other members. It was a good way to sort out which ones I will keep in contact with. Those are the ones who when they saw me said, "Hey, Elder Karlsven!" The rest said after a moment, "Oh, hi Elder," (obviously forgetting my name) I plan to send each of the latter a chain letter.

I am SO tempted to bring a hidden camera along when we go knocking doors. This weeks best one was an old man with a big beard and an English accent who yelled, "I don't believe in fiction! There is no God!" and slammed the door. The funny thing was that we were just asking for any extra canned foods he had to give to a local shelter.

I haven't been able to use it successfully yet, but by applying the wise words of Stephen Colbert, a tracting approach I've used goes like this:

"We wanted to get your opinion on something. The Book of Mormon (hold up a copy of it). Do you think it is 1. A great book about Jesus OR 2. THE GREATEST book about Jesus?

Elder Hinckley of the Seventy (President Hinckley's son) presided at stake conference. He remarked that the number of young missionaries are down mostly because people are having less children. I'd like to take this time now to rebuke those few friends of mine that have returned from their missions and are not yet married with twins on the way. He also asked for more senior missionaries. Apparently they are the most coveted missionaries of mission presidents. His advice was to fill out your application saying that you are broke and have several medical problems, and they will send you somewhere nice in the United States.

Anyway, I've reached the unwritten time limit here at the Apple Store - it is measured by the glares of workers I can see in the reflection of the monitor, and how often they ask if I need any help. Right now the glares are about every 8 seconds and increasing, and they've asked 4 times so far.

I'll be in Almaden with Elder Valencia at least 6 more weeks. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Have a great week. Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day!


Elder Karlsven

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