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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Operation Nursing Home, Day 1: Bingo

In an effort to reduce my time spent watching hilarious YouTube videos, I decided to do some volunteer work. My first destination: Nursing home.

As luck would have it, this week is national nursing home week! This particular nursing home would be celebrating with a daily 3:00 pm party, each day having a different theme. Regrettably, I missed yesterday's Rodeo party, but I was just in time to help decorate for today's Luau. The two nice ladies running the show were more than happy to have my help, mostly because I could reach high places for decorations to be taped up.

Prior to the Luau, there would be a half-hour Bingo session. This was exactly what I was looking for! I was asked to help a sweet old lady, Marilyn, who happened to be blind. She would put her head down on the table as I took care of her Bingo sheet. When she got Bingo, I would tap her on the shoulder and whisper to tell her. She would spring to life, yelling it out in her shaky, lovable old woman shriek. For every Bingo game, Oliver the intern would bring the winner a tray of prizes, mostly candy and bags of chips.

Marilyn selected a rice krispy treat. Oliver turned to leave.
"Wait," I stopped Oliver, "Marilyn and I are a team," I said while grabbing a Snickers from the tray. Marilyn, being blind and all, heard me and grabbed a rice krispy treat off the tray for me.

Take that, Oliver the intern!

We ended up winning 3 times. The lady in charge of Bingo told us that was the limit. No more candy. Bummer. She then told me that Marilyn can only eat the M&Ms and nothing else or her digestive system couldn't handle it. This worried me until I remembered that Marilyn hadn't been eating the candy we won, but either gave it to me or stuffed it in her shirt. That was a close one.

The game AND luau were nearly ruined because of an overly-excited retiree playing Bingo right behind us. After he got Bingo, a couple workers quickly rushed over and escorted him to the bathroom. I just thought he had wet himself.

Then came the odor.

It became so powerful that the game had to be stopped, and the room aired out. I turned around and saw what the overly-excited man had left behind. A big turd! No joke. It was about 10 feet away from me on the carpet. Surrounding it was a 3 foot radius turd splatter. How did the guy even do it while keeping his pants on??

One of the best volunteering experiences I've had, but I'm definitely crossing out "Nursing Home Clean-Up Crew" from my list of potential careers.


Anonymous said...

Good Boy Matt! Sorry about the unfortunate log. You know how the saying goes... "blank" happens.

Steve V.

Tarot Reader said...

LOL. Hilarious

jennifer anderson said...

peoples meds can do that to them,for example dont take metformin for diabetes or pre diabetes and think you are not going to poop shortly...! you gave a lot to look foward to in life LoL

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